I sometimes fantasize about having women in cans ... like Pringles

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS/DATES

HIP HOP NEWS

26-12-2025 15:32 GMT

STRANGE MUSIC

Music industry update | Wisconsin, USA | Indie artist, Daiyon

I love women so much that sometimes I fantasize about having them in cans. With different flavours, like Pringles. Not the whole woman obviously, that would be insane – just the juicy bits. I can see myself now, shoplifting every night; being pursued by the local supermarket’s security guards with 12 cans of p*ssy, 4 cans of breasts and 2 cans of butt holes pressed tightly against my chest; running away at high speed. Wow! 

My name is Vagitarius. I’m the new guy here at the SRL Writers Room. I know you’re wondering, what kind of name that is. It’s just my pen name. If you don’t know what it means by now I have a feeling you’ll never know. And no, it has nothing to do with the lower regions of a lady’s anatomy, whatever you choose to call it, don’t be dirty. To be honest with you the name came to me before it took on its meaning. Strange things happen like that for me sometimes because I’m Vagitarius. I’d explain it to you but you probably wouldn’t understand. Okay I’ll try. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like the outcome of the situation had already happened before the cause of the situation even existed? And that the only explanation for the outcome ever existing could only have been exactly that - that it had to have already happened before you caused it? And hence it wasn’t really your fault even though it totally was? If you understand what I’m saying then you know where I’m coming from. If not, you’d better read on.

Today is a special day for you because you’ve met me. It’s also a special day for me because I’ve met you. But more special for you obviously, because I’m way more awesome than you right now. "How do I know?", you ask. To which I reply, "I just do". And I’ll tell you why. I THINK I’m greater than everyone else, therefore I am. That’s why. I’d suggest you do the same too, but I won’t. I’m not sure you’re ready for the consequences of being this awesome. And by that, I don’t mean bad things come with it. You see, there’s no such thing as a bad thing when you’re Vagitarius. There are only things. Just because you don’t like them doesn’t make them bad, they’re just things. Okay let’s just leave it at that, before “things” get complicated. I’m awesome, that’s all you need to know. Well, that, and also that my intention while writing this article is that you too will feel pretty darn awesome yourself, by the end of it. Okay let’s go. 

From this point onwards I want you to read this article a little bit differently from how you would normally read. I want you to pass your eyes over the words indifferently like they mean nothing but at the same time pay close attention to each word and let each sink into your brain. Kind of like the way you would read something if you were extremely tipsy but not drunk – slowly, but with a sense of wonder and a distant, detached feeling that you have little control of. Once you’ve reached the paragraph where the actual Music News article starts you’ll know why Vagitarius is better than you (right now). 

So here’s a little backstory on how I got the name. Before I started my job here at SRL, I was a total loser. Okay not a loser, loser; that’s too strong – let’s just say I was financially challenged. Everytime I had maxed out all my credit cards I moved to a new house, added a new middle initial to my name and one year to my date of birth and applied for a new one. Then another, and another. By the time I started work here, I was about a hundred years old on paper. I was so lonely I used to order Amazon deliveries everyday just so I could feel like someone was coming to visit me everyday. One day I ran out of things to order so I mailed an empty box to myself by special delivery. It arrived the next day. As the mailman handed it to me he shook it, as if he had done it before already. And with an expressionless face and a slightly raised eyebrow he said, “this box is empty”. I had to think of something quick, then I replied, “it’s oxygen”. To which, to my surprise he replied “Aaaah, nice” and nodded as he walked away. He added, “I’ve always wanted to try that, is it good?” I said, “it’s awesome”. That brought me to my next big idea for when I would inevitably have maxed out my last credit card in the future. I was going to sell “oxygen”. I signed up with Amazon Business, designed some fancy boxes and bought a tonne of balloons. Each box of “oxygen” contained 1 inflated balloon and the only instruction at the top of the fancy box was “pierce here”. Once pierced a slight hissing sound would be heard as the “oxygen” was released slowly. It was a big hit on Amazon, business was booming. For about a month, until I received my first check of £10,000. Elon Musk called me on Facetime, holding the box to his ear like the mailman did, and said, exactly as the mail man did, with an expressionless face and one eyebrow raised, “this box is empty”. To cut a long story short I moved to a new house; and added a new initial to my name and another year to my date of birth. As my date of birth approached 100, I knew I’d have to come up with a new plan. I spent hours thinking everyday for weeks and couldn’t come up with anything. With ten thousand bucks to play with from Amazon I started to go outside a little bit more and meet more people. Amazon and JustEat were no longer my only form of human contact and I no longer had to live with the guilt of feeding the local pigeons KFC every morning because I got lonely and had ordered JustEat too many times the night before. Those poor pigeons. I’m sure they’re all cannibals now.

One day after a gruelling session at the gym I was at a really quiet, dark, cosy bar with a peaceful, almost soothing ambiance having a drink or 6. I saw this gorgeous little lady from afar. I couldn’t tell if she was a nasty, dirty b*tch disguised as a lady but I liked her. I liked her A LOT. I vaguely thought about talking to her and having absolutely nothing to say as was usually the case. I had an intense feeling of desire inside me and my “little buddy” was very happy too. He wiggled around uncontrollably, as if trying to get out of the zipper so he could see what I was seeing. As I gazed at her from the distance, I could almost smell her hair and taste her soft red lips. I imagined her bent over the bar stool next to me, complying silently as I ravaged her from behind. When I finished, I pulled out, slapped the connie on her back and left without saying thank you. Then, while still in my thoughts, I thought to myself “what a slut”. This all happened in my imagination in the twinkle of an eye. And then I snapped out of it, turned away to face the bar and ordered two drinks. Three seconds had passed. Don’t ask me how I knew it was three, I just knew. Someone walked up to me from behind, saying in a soft sweet voice, almost like an angel: “you look like a gentleman”. I was in the middle of a sip of really hard liquor so I almost choked while replying and chuckling at the same time in a really hoarse voice: “that’s hilarious”. It made me really angry because at that point in my life I was everything BUT a gentleman. In fact, I was just at the bar to get a few drinks in me before heading down to my local oriental massage parlour for my weekly happy ending massage with all the “extras” and more – my new form of human contact at the time, thanks to the Amazon money. As I looked back I realised it was her, the girl I was looking at a few seconds ago. I had already given her a nickname in my head. It was Red, because she had on matt red lipstick, thickly applied to perfection. I quickly revised what I had said: “I mean … ” Then I paused. I’d run out of words, I had to think fast, what rhymes with “that’s hilarious”? I couldn’t think of anything so I said “Vagitarius, and you?”. She replied, to my astonishment: “Red”. I couldn’t believe my ears. She continued: “Red wine, that’s what I’m drinking” as she sat down seductively and arrogantly on the bar stool I had ravaged her on earlier in my head. I immediately thought to myself, “what a slut” and that very moment, coincidentally, the DJ played my favourite song, “At Last” by Etta James, softly in the background.

We ended up dating for quite a while.

One day I was at her house early in the morning. I usually do my thinking really early in the morning before everyone wakes up. I was thinking about how to get some money. The mailman knocked. She was still asleep so I answered the door to collect her mail. It was that pesky old mailman from my other flat where I started the Amazon business. It was weird. As usual he had an expressionless face. He handed me the mail. It was to my surprise… yep, you guessed right – a credit card, her credit card. My eyes opened wide and as I shut the door a light bulb turned on inside my head. I had just discovered my next venture. It wasn’t a new venture, just a new and improved way of pursuing the old venture. Instead of moving houses every time my credit cards got maxed out I could just date a hundred girls in the neighbourhood, move in with them, receive my credit cards when they’ve gone to work or are asleep, and then break up once the first statement is due to arrive. It worked. At one time I had about 10 girlfriends in the same neighbourhood and they all knew each other. Business was booming once again. And then one day, I was at a girlfriend’s house and my real girlfriend Red showed up. She was really hurt, I’d never seen anyone so sad in my entire life. I really liked her, but she walked away and didn’t say a word. We both knew it was over. Later that night when I went over to her place to pack all my things, I stole one of her red panties and put in a Pringles can. I still have it in my kitchen cabinet till this day. It's Paprika.

Everything went south from there onwards. The credit card companies had apparently tied all my names together and created one huge bad credit history file and one BIG ASS credit card bill. I couldn’t even say my full name anywhere in public without getting declined in some way or the other. But don’t worry, I set up a payment plan and started paying it all back £5 a month. It should be all paid off by the time I am 919 years old 😊. Until then, I’ll keep fit and smoke all my vegetables. Oops!! I mean eat – eat all my vegetables.

Fast forward to now... 

So now you know, a little bit about me. If you don’t like me that’s your business. Now, inside this long story I’ve just told you there is 3 gems. If you can find them the world is yours, but don’t worry if you can’t, just read it over and over and they will find you. Now, let’s get right down to the Music News story you and I are here for shall we?

In today’s music news, we’re going to discuss the latest happenings in the life of one of the most promising new hip hop artists that is set to take over the world of hip hop in ways that haven’t been done in a very long time. His respect for the artform, his ways with words; and determination and drive in fulfilling his desire to be the word’s greatest are seeing to it that major record labels and fans have little choice but to follow and partake in his journey, which began several years ago in Wisconsin, USA where he is from. Having amassed a repertoire like no other, he now travels all across the country performing for larger and larger crowds and sharing the stage with bigger names everytime. 

Following the release of his latest single “Trust Exercise” on the 12th of December, Daiyon is currently on a promotional tour with Strange Music Inc, a renowned independent record label founded by critically acclaimed platinum recording rapper and songwriter Tech Nyne, who is known for his signature fast-rhyming style and hip hop hits like “Caribou Lou” and “Hood Go Crazy”. The tour is scheduled to pass through venues in Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona, with more dates to be confirmed in the coming weeks. Stream and download Daiyon’s new single on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music and all top music streaming and download platforms. Listen to the new single below.

Explicit.

X

Please share these links to unlock the full features of this page:

[Whatsapp]    [Email]    [Facebook]    [X]

. . .



[Close]

How to Turn Water to Wine - Part 2

MUSIC FESTIVALS

HIP HOP NEWS

26-03-2024 14:58 GMT

PERFECT TIMING

Music industry update | Mississippi, USA | Indie artist, Coolidge

The title of this article is “How to Turn Water to Wine, Part 2”. Look in the browser address bar and you’ll see. The second title just above, inside the page relates to the music news story we’ll be exploring today, during the course of this article. This is the case with most articles on SRL News and SRL Reviews. If that’s confusing, then this article may be too complex for you, please don’t read it or your head may explode. 

My girlfriend’s boyfriend is so annoying. He’s always doing weird stuff like texting in the middle of the night to say silly things like “I miss you” and “wish you were here with me”. What a douche! Doesn’t he work?

Anyway, last night as I was writing this article, the long awaited follow-up to my previous article “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 1”; he texted while she was fast asleep. And yes, you guessed right, I had just waved my enormous magic wand on her (wink, wink). I hate to brag but I knocked her f*cking socks off like it was her birthday - or Jesus's birthday for that matter. She went straight to sleep right after the "baby shower" (wink, wink) without saying a word - she didn’t even wipe it off or take a bath or anything. I was amazing! 

But anyway, where were we? Ah, yes; her stupid boyfriend. He texted in the middle of the night while I was writing, so I texted him back pretending to be her and said “I’m on my period”. He replied, “OMG [excited face emoji], I’m on the way”. I know, what a sicko right? Not the response I was expecting obviously, so I panicked. I quickly texted back: “no, don’t come”. He replied: “you know I love it when you tell me not to cum [cheeky smiley face emoji]”. I replied: “I’m serious, I won’t open the door”. He replied, “I’ve got a key remember? Anyway I’m already downstairs”. Next thing, there was a knock on the door. And to tell you what a douchebag he is, he literally says “knock, knock” when he knocks on a door. To cut a long story short, here’s a knock, knock joke I knew you’d enjoy: 

“Knock, knock!!”

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Me”

“Me who?”

“Yes Me, Gǔn kāi (F*ck off)!!!! Dǎkāi mén (Open the door)!!!!”

Did I mention he’s Chinese? He-he-he. Yep, His name is literally Me Hu, I don’t know how you spell it in Chinese, but that’s his name. I’m not racist, I promise; but to be honest with you I don’t know if he’s Chinese, Japanese, or Vietnamese - I really don't know how to tell the difference. Every time we get together, all we do is drink saké and eat really spicy food till my butt hole starts cooking. I always forget not to eat too much of it,  everything tastes so amazing after too many sakés.

Okay let’s get to the serious stuff now, “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 2”; and then we’ll get to the music news story of the day. 

A quick reminder, the title inside this page, just above the photo is the news story we’ll be discussing; and the title in the address bar is the actual title of this article which the news story is inside. Again, as I mentioned in the previous article; if that seems complicated to you, you are not ready for this. Close it and look around. Start in the mirror, and notice how there is two of everything – and everything has two parts. 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 brains – (😕) I know what you are thinking, you thought it was just one ey? See why I told you you weren’t ready for this article if you were confused about the titles? Well now you know. Yes, they seem to be fused into one, because you’ve got only one head (I hope?🤣); but those two halves do very different things; so different in fact, that I like to consider them as two separate entities. It gives me more clarity and it makes me feel really special as well. In this article we’ll be making use of both brains, so buckle up because I may say something really intelligent that you’ve never heard before sometimes; and then not explain it. If you don’t understand anything, it’s because, you, like most people, use only one of your brains most of the time – I like to use both, so one doesn’t get tired or feel left out. If I say something you don't understand, don't panic, just rest assured that your other brain understands completely and will reveal the meaning to you when you are more likely to understand.  If you are wondering why I instructed you to drink 6 extra glasses of water everyday later on in this article, well now you know - your head could severely overheat and stuff could get damaged - It feels amazing to know the future doesn't it? Don't get too excited yet, it could start to feel a little weird soon. I'm telling you the future right now so that you can think backwards to now. That's how we're going to approach this whole experiment, thinking backwards, from the wine to the water. Remember when you looked in the mirror a few minutes ago? Did you realise that the mirror was also looking into you? So in fact you weren't really looking at yourself but into yourself? Now, you be the water and assume the mirror is the wine. There is an old African saying that goes: "Water no get enemy". It's pidgin English which translates to "Water has no enemies". Throughout the course of this experiment, you must be water. Water doesn't give a f*ck who's drinking it, if it's being drunk well, if it's being treated well, if you love it, if you hate it, if you stole it, if you peed it onto somebody after drinking it, if you were drinking it from somebody's peepee, if you pee in swimming pools and at the beach, if you are a wicked person, if you are kind, if you killed a man, if you eat way too much ass or even if you worship the devil. You must be exactly like that - completely and utterly indifferent, not just to the deeds of all mankind but to any and everything you encounter in the world around you right now. General amnesty towards yourself and everyone in the entire universe is the first key that will unlock the door to success in this little project of ours. Yes, you must forgive yourself too. There are many times when you haven't been awesome and you haven't lived up to your expectations or achieved your goals; and you MUST forgive yourself right now. In fact, stop reading and say it. SAY IT DAMN IT! "I forgive me". This is really important. Now also say: "I forgive them". Now say: "I am free". And then lastly: "Everybody is free". You must do this very regularly, because let's face it, now that you know how important general amnesty is in achieving your goals, there'll probably be an asshole with a cheeky smile on their face waiting to test you every corner you turn. If you can't be water, forget about the wine. Now, close your eyes. What do you see? And don't say nothing, surely you must see something. And don't say black, that's crazy talk. Okay what if I asked you in a different way: "What are you looking at?"... I see this is getting nowhere so I'm gonna get my colleague "The Imagination Guy" in here to help you answer that question a little bit later, probably in the next instalment of this series - it is another key to achieving our goal. Oh snap! I just realised I didn't introduce myself, in case you are new here. I'm "The Ideas Guy", probably the most exciting guy you'll ever meet, but whatever. Thanks for coming, the pleasure is all yours. 

Okay let’s dive in. I’m assuming you’ve already got your empty bottle of wine, right? If you haven’t, get one. Now, you’ll need 6 small wine glasses. Line them up side by side on a table or in a cabinet you never use, the bottle first and then the glasses. Make sure it’s somewhere no one else will see them, because they’ll start asking weird questions. Fill the glasses with water and leave the bottle empty. Now let's name them to make it more fun. Start from the right to the left, going backwards from the last glass to the bottle. Name them 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and then the bottle, 9. Now shut the door and go away. Lock it if you have a key. 

Take a very deep breath. Now hold it. Keep holding it. Keep pulling in, even when you feel there’s nothing left to stretch. Keep going. Keep going. I hope you are not a smoker. Keep going. Now stop! If you are not sure you did it right, look for a mirror and turn to the side. You should look like an 18 year old hottie with really perky breasts, and you may also be making really wide crazy eyes like Nicky Minaj or even making a duck face like Kim Kardashian, but don’t worry, that’s normal. But wait, don’t exhale. Hold all that awesome oxygen in your body so it can circulate in your two awesome brains. Now breath out. Keep going. Keep going. Don’t stop yet. Keep going even when you feel like your lungs are totally empty. Keep going. If you are a smoker, you are probably already smelling things you smoked way before you were a teenager. Keep going. Okay stop. If you are not sure you have done it right, go back to the mirror again and look. You’ll look like Tom when Jerry has gone too far and he’s about to go and retaliate by doing something really sinister to him. You’re ready. 

In the next article we’ll get started. In the meantime, do this breathing exercise every day, many times a day so that your two brains are primed and ready to go when it’s time. You must also drink at least 6 small glasses of water every day until we meet here again okay? Not the ones you filled earlier on, obviously. Don’t touch those, leave them alone. Don’t even check on them or even look at them – leave them alone. And remember, don’t show anybody or tell anybody about them either, not even your best friend. Don’t worry, you can tell Jesus – he’s cool. In fact, to be honest with you, I’d be surprised if he didn’t ask you about them in a dream. You must say this and only this in response to his question: “Everything is exactly as it should be, thank you”. Don’t ask how I know what he’ll ask you, just memorise the answer 'kay? Just in case. Lastly, but most importantly, you’ll be required to perform a very simple yet 100% impossible task to the average human being before the next time we meet. Go down to your local high street and buy yourself one black sheet of A4 paper and a white pinpoint pen. You must not ask anybody for help finding it, walk down the street and into stores and search for it yourself. Don’t tell anyone what you are looking for, even if they offer their help. And don’t try to be a wise guy about it either – don’t buy a white sheet and paint it black; or don’t buy Tippex or a marker or crayon and call it a pen. The task is very possible - it is there and you will find it if you believe it is somewhere in a shop on your local high street, yet sadly, 99.9% of people will fail this task, so don’t beat yourself up about it. All that’s important is that you try really hard to find it and believe it is there somewhere – you must KNOW that someone, somewhere has them on their shelves, and is just waiting for you to come in and get them. Don’t tell anyone about this task either, just do it. Good luck with it. 

Now, let’s explore the music news story of the day. 

”Perfect Timing”, the new single by Jackson, Mississippi, US independent hip hop sensation Drevo Coolidge was announced just in time to premiere at this year’s SXSW music and arts festival which has taken place during the month of March in Austin, Texas, USA every year since 1987. Showcasing some of the world’s most exciting and new musicians, bands and producers; and bringing together fans and music industry professionals under one roof for a whopping 6 days for the purpose of exploration, discussion, discovery, networking and celebration of music, film and other media interests; it has become one of the most exciting events of its kind in recent times. This year, it commenced on the 11th of March and featured more than 200 acts from around the world including 250 (Seoul, South Korea), The Sully Band (San Diego, CA), Dumb Buoys Fishing Club (London, UK-England), NeOne Wonderer (Wolverhampton UK-England), Jon Muq (Austin, TX), YHWH Nailgun (New York, NY), LAIR (Jatiwangi, Indonesia), This Is Lorelei (New York, NY), Robby Hecht (Nashville, TN), Sam Williams (Paris, TN), Jack Barksdale (Fort Worth, TX), Laura Misch (London, UK-ENGLAND), Native Harrow (Brighton, UK-England), Jaimee Harris (Nashville, TN), Rodeo Boys (Lansing, MI), Delights (Manchester UK-England), Seafoam Walls (Miami, FL), Fust (Durham, NC), Elisapie (Salluit, Canada), Malugi (Berlin, Germany), Daydream Twins (Austin, TX), JFDR (Reykjavík, Iceland), Benjamin Walker (Chile, Mexico), poolblood (Toronto, Canada), SNACKTIME (Philadelphia, PA), HMS Morris (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Mia June (Perth, Australia), Styrofoam Winos (Nashville, TN), GRÓA (Reykjavik, Iceland), rEDOLENT (Edinburgh UK-Scotland), Vulva Voce (Manchester, UK-England), DICE (Perth, Australia), May Rio (Brooklyn, NY), Danny Bonilla (Dallas, TX), Chelsea Carmichael (London, UK-England), Venus Twins (Brooklyn, NY), BLK JKS (Johannesburg, South Africa), Night Lunch (Montreal, Canada), Laney Tripp (New Smyrna Beach, CA), The Psychotic Monks (Saint-Ouen, France), Certainly So (Nashville, TN), Mick Flannery (Cork, Ireland), Chalk (Belfast, UK-N. Ireland), Sofia Kourtesis (Berlin, Germany), Alexander Biggs (Melbourne, Australia), Sui Zhen (Melbourne, Australia), Jeannel (Berlin, Germany), The Rare Occasions (Los Angeles, CA), NOBRO (Montreal, Canada), Lindsay Beaver & Brad Stivers (Austin, TX), Ho99o9 (Newark, NJ), The XCERTS (Aberdeen, UK-Scotland), Iona Zajac (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Meagre Martin (Berlin, Germany), HIEN (Budapest, Hungary), Los Cogelones (Mexico, Mexico), Ellie Bleach (London, UK-England), dust (Newcastle, Australian), San Gabriel (Austin, TX), Afternoon Bike Ride (Montreal, Canada), The Manatees (Southampton, UK-England), Omni (Atlanta, GA), Grandbrothers (Berlin, Germany), Caleb Landry Jones (Garland, TX), Axel Flóvent (Reykjavik, Iceland), Emma Aibara (Yokohama, Japan), Gruff Rhys (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Kali Claire (London UK-England), Sinkane (Brooklyn, NY), Glasser (New York, NY), Fat Dog (London, UK-Englan), Blue Lake (Copenhagen, Denmark), Bloomsday (Brooklyn, NY), twst (Barry, UK-Wales), Zheani (Brisbane, Australia), Lisa Morales (Austin, TX), Jon Vinyl (Toronto, Canada), HighSchool (Melbourne, Australia), Holly Macve (Brighton, UK-England), Jad Fair and the Placebos (Manor, TX), Bess Atwell (Brighton, UK-England), Tamera (London, UK-England), TRACY DE SA (Sevres, France), CURRLS (Brighton, UK-England), The Ayoub Sisters (London, UK-England), Buffalo Nichols (Milwaukee, WI), Dead Tooth (Brooklyn, NY), HALLEY (Waseda, Japan), Talia Goddess (Brooklyn, NY), Dream Nails (London, UK-England), Yb. (Brisbane, Australia), Wyldest (London, UK-England), IFE (New Orleans, LA), MØAA (Seattle, WA), Ken Yates (London, Canada), Water Damage (Austin, TX), RUBIO (Mexico City, Mexico), China Bears (Bridgwater, UK-England), Zoon (Winnipeg, Canada), ZÓRA (Budapest, Hungary), Madam Radar (Austin, TX), Miranda del Sol (New York, NY), Telehealth (Seattle, WA), Kroi (Tokyo, Japan), Tokyo Syoki Syodo (Shimokitazawa, Japan), Stuck in the Sound (Paris, France), Sofi Paez (Berlin, Germany), Bleach Lab (London, UK-England), San Saba County (Austin, TX), FAZI 法兹 (Xi’an, China), Kikuo (Tokyo, Japan), William The Conqueror (Newquay, UK-England), Alex Nicol (Montreal, Canada), Fantasy Of A Broken Heart (Brooklyn, NY), Chiaki Mayumura (Setagya, Japan), TFD (Total F*cking Darkness) (Vancouver, Canada), Soda Blonde (Dublin, Ireland), Presence (Camarillo, CA), Skateland (Austin, TX), Neon Waltz (John O’groats, UK-Scotland), Anna Vaverková (Prague, Czechia), Bad Bad Hats (Minneapolis, MN), Cha’keeta B (Austin, TX), zouz (Montréal, Canada), Friedberg (Berlin, Germany), Etta Bond (London, UK-England), JÁNA (Stockholm, Sweden), CLT DRP (Brighton, UK-England), Mama Terra (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pylon Reenactment Society (Athens, GA), Rory James (Edinburgh, UK-Scotland), Jazz re:freshed DJs (London, UK-England), Eleni Drake (London, UK-England), Harvest Thieves (Austin, TX), Hinako Omori (London, UK-England), Bee Bee Sea (Castel Goffredo, Italy), The HawtThorns (Nashville, TN), Emily Frembgen (Brooklyn, NY), Nagasaki Swim (Rotterdam, Netherlands), VLURE (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Laura-Mary Carter (Brighton, UK-ENGLAND), L E M F R E C K (Newport, UK-Wales), Iris Jean (Alkmaar, Netherlands), Conchur White (Portadown, UK-N. Ireland), Lauren Housley & The Northern Cowboys (Sheffield, UK-England), The Tiarras (Austin, TX), Enola Gay (Belfast UK-N. Ireland), Plastic Palms (Turin, Italy), Lottery Winners (Leigh, UK-England), O. (London, UK-England), The View (Dundee, UK-Scotland), Texas String Assembly (Austin, TX), Earth Tongue (Wellington, New Zealand), THUS LOVE (Brattleboro, VT), beccs (Warehan, MA), Gavin James (Dublin, Ireland), PVA (London, UK-England), Dirt Buyer (Brooklyn, NY), maxime. (Montreal, Canada), SPRINTS (Dublin, Ireland), Another Sky (London, UK-England), testpress (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pelvis Wrestley (Austin, TX), Library Card (Rotterdam, Netherlands), Äyanna (London, UK-England), Ralphie Choo (Madrid, Spain), Yogetsu Akasaka (Tokyo, Japan), TENGGER (Seoul, South Korea), Arches (Hong Kong, Hong Kong), Chxrry22 (Toronto, Canada), Jack Harris (Cleveland, OH), PAPISA (São Paulo, Brazil), Minas (Cardiff, UK-Wales), néomí (Den Haag, Netherlands), Anna Smyrk (Melbourne, Australia), Softee (Moorhead, MN), Justin Webb (Nashville, TN), Hooks & The Huckleberries (Albuquerque, NM), Lauren Lakis (Austin, TX), Teenage Sequence (Fort Worth, TX), The Vices (Groningen, Netherlands), BROTHER DEGE (Lafayette, LA), Miranda and the Beat (Brooklyn, NY), Forest Claudette (Melbourne, Australia), Jeshi (London, UK-England), Askew (London, UK-England), YU-KA (Tokyo, Japan), Logan Halstead (Powell County, KY), Humour (Glasgow UK-Scotland), Dasom Baek (Seoul, South Korea), Tufan Derince (Diyarbakir, Turkey), DOMICO (Tokyo, Japan), HYPNOSIS THERAPY (Seoul, South Korea), Rainbow Girls (Bodega, CA), JM Stevens (Austin, TX), Elle Shimada (Melbourne Australia), Emily Barker (Perth, Australia), Swallow the Rat (Auckland, New Zealand), South Summit (Perth, Australia), Field Guide (Winnipeg, Canada), Discovery Zone (New York, NY), Akira Galaxy (Los Angeles, CA), Camidoh (Accra, Ghana), JADA (London, UK-England), Glixen (Phoenix, AZ), Pink Pablo (San Juan, Puerto Rico), Selfish Sons (Brisbane, Australia), Boy With Apple (Gothenburg Sweden), Do Nothing (Nottingham UK-England), Moody Bank$ (Austin, TX), Good Looks (Austin, TX), Izo FitzRoy (London, UK-England), OSKA (Vienna, Austria), Sycco (Brisbane, Australia), Perennial (Amherst, MA), Logan Crosby (Milledgeville, GA), She’s In Parties (Colchester, UK-England), Being Dead (Austin, TX), Juani Mustard (Viña Del Mar, Chile), Dobrawa Czocher (Warsaw, Poland), Population II (Montreal, Canada), Vera Sola (Los Angeles, CA), The Howdies (Athens, GA), Carla Geneve (Perth, Australia), Planet Giza (Montreal, Canada), Hour (Philadelphia, PA), Amis du Teche (Breaux Bridge, LA), Folk Bitch Trio (Melbourne, Australia), Ako（a子） (Himeji City, Japan), Redbud (Austin, TX), The Beatbox Collective (London, UK-England), Yo Diablo (Valencia, Spain), Angelo Moore and the Brand New Step (Austin, TX), Natalie Jane Hill (Asheville, NC), Hause Plants (Lisbon, Portugal), Gurriers (Dublin, Ireland), Sultan Stevenson (London, UK-England), Chartreuse (The Black Country, UK-England), JUANPALITOSCHINOS (Mexico City, Mexico), FONTINE (Winnipeg, Canada), Divorce (Nottingham, UK-England), Chief Cleopatra (Austin, TX) and Larry Seaman (Austin, TX). 

After delivering 2 show-stopping performances last year, Drevo was invited back again. At 12 PM, 4 PM and 8 PM at Austin’s Club Teller, he blew the roof off with 3 sensational live performances hosted by Hustle Streetz Music Group. The new track, "Perfect Timing", which was released to critical acclaim on the last day of the festival (16th of March, 2024), is still making its way through music distribution channels and will be available to stream on SRL Music once officially released. Meanwhile, Drevo’s previous hit single “MILL” continues to break barriers and open doors to new career opportunities and fan bases for the rising Mississippi star, who has dominated his local underground and independent music scenes for several years now. “MILL” is available to stream on SRL Music, and the official music video is available to watch on SRLTV – just select “Music” or “Music Videos” from the main website menu at the top of this page. More Coolidge news soon.

Have a wonderful day.

Explicit.

Born again (Jesus really wanted you to see this)

CONCERT TICKETS/DATES

HIP HOP NEWS

19-04-2023 23:25 GMT

BLCK TPE TOUR 2023

Music industry update | Mississippi, USA | Indie artist, Coolidge

I’ve never listened to music on Spotify – but I’ve got premium. Why do I have it then, you may ask? To be honest, I don’t know. Just in case, I guess. But in case what? I don’t know okay? I just have it. I listen to music on cassette or CD like a normal human being. I need something physical so I can show my appreciation or dissatisfaction physically like everything else that is real in the world. For example, if it's good I may rewind it and play it again, or if it's bad I may hit the stop button really hard, or even crush the CD or cassette with my bare hands. Or if it's really bad I may sh*t on it and send it back to the record label it came from; the options are so many. With Spotify there are not many options, not even a stop button or a dislike button. Ridiculous! I don't like that at all. 

Let's move on...

When I love someone or they’ve been really helpful, I pull them really close and plant a big wet one on them. By wet I mean I’ve always got a Chapstick and my lips are always really moist and soft - but I'm not gay, I promise. When people offend me I do exactly the same thing, but with no Chapstick. I’m not allowed to get angry or displeased anymore, that’s so immature. But allowed by who? 

Think about it for a second…

Think deeper…

Really think about what I’m saying to you, I want to make sure we’re on the same page before we get into this music news story today. 

Oh I forgot to introduce myself first. Oh wait, I can’t. We’re not allowed to use our names or pen names in here anymore. I call my pen something really dirty so you’re actually lucky I don’t have to tell you what it is. It rhymes with pot hole 😀. I gave it that name because people always told me I was sh*t when I first started writing and I never wanted to forget so that I would never stop trying to be awesome. I'm pretty awesome now. If you can't tell right now you will by the end of this exciting music news article we're about to get into. 

Since we can’t use our names in the writers room, we identify ourselves by describing each others' writing styles or what we mostly write about. If you’ve been here before you probably already know that. If you haven’t been here before, buckle the f* up. This is nothing like any of the fancy music blogs, online music magazines, or music news websites you’ve ever been to and it probably never will because unlike those nasty music junk yards promoting trash music and talking shite, we’re really awesome here and we don’t GAF.  Anyway, I’m the “Ideas Guy”. If you’ve been here before then you probably remember me from my last article when we attempted to create a brain cell. If you were unsuccessful on your first try don’t be ashamed, it takes practice. It’s really hard, in fact some people go their whole lives without ever mastering the art or even realising it exists. Read the previous article here. It opens in a new window so you can bookmark it and come back here if you don’t want to read it now.

Now, I’m never going to ever give you homework but it’s my job to reduce the ever-growing number of shallow thinkers in this new amazing TikTok world we live in today. I’ve got nothing against TikTok but I’ll never use it. Let’s move on quick, I’m feeling yukky already just talking about it – that sh*t gives me the heebie-jeebies. I've never seen so many people not in the same place giggling at the same time, so scary. 

There’s a new guy in the office, he’s called the “Imagination Guy”. He’s going to help me with today's task. While my job is to stimulate your brain and enlighten your mind, his job is to stimulate your imagination. Wait, you know your brain and your mind are two intertwined but very separate things right? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt - you knew, you’re awesome, let's move on. We may talk about it later but not today. I work closely with the “Imagination Guy” because our jobs are very closely related, but I don’t think he's like me at all. In fact he's nothing like me and you'd never find us hanging out together. Remember I said earlier that I couldn’t hate anymore? Well, I totally don’t hate him. I think he might be a little gay, his jeans are too tight, he swings his buttocks too wide when he walks, smiles too much, uses the word "amazing" too often, eats too many lollipops, wears way too many low neck t-shirts even in the winter, says my name in a really annoying way, smacks his lips and kisses his teeth too much when he talks, wears too much cologne, has too many tattoos, giggles too much, is always WAY too happy, types too slowly and glamorously - like he’s sending a letter to Paris Hilton and the keyboard is really sticky or he's just had his nails done, plays with his luxurious hair too frequently, and twirls his chewing gum WAY too much; but all in all I think he’s a pretty decent guy and I’ve got nothing but love for him – and yes, I show it with a kiss too every time I see him. He totally hates that. So here he is now to tell you about the imagination part of today's task, and then once he’s done I’ll come back to you.

This is a collaborative, cloud-based writing room so he’s going to start typing soon – hopefully he hasn’t just got his nails done and he’ll be quick, he-he-he. Okay here he comes, see you soon. 

Hey you guys, how’s everything going? Hope you’re having an awesome day, if you aren’t you will be after this little exercise. 

As the "Ideas Guy" just told you, I’m the “Imagination Guy”, and we’re going to, well, imagine some things right now to stimulate your imagination in preparation for the task he has for you today. And by the way, none of what he said about me is true – I’m not gay at all, I’ve never twirled chewing gum and I don’t smack my lips together like I’m eating something really sweet but sour when I talk; I think it’s all in his imagination. Did you know the imagination sometimes does that? Paint a picture of your surroundings based on how you feel and your convictions about the people and the world around you? What? You didn’t know? Haven’t you ever had too much to drink and then everyone around you started to look really sexy? Yep, that’s your imagination at work, in conjunction with other parts of your mind as well, but playing a pretty significant part. I think the "Ideas Guy" saw me wearing ripped skinny jeans one time back in summer and totally created a picture of me that he now sees every time he sees me, without even knowing it. I had ordered those jeans online and didn't know they were that tight. And I only wore them to work because it was laundry day and I had nothing else to wear. I've never worn them again. Hopefully by the end of this short exercise he will be able to see the real me, and you too will learn to see the world around you exactly as it is whenever you choose to. Don’t worry, seeing it only the way you want to see it is fine too, in fact it’s just as important, but you must understand that there is a difference between what you are looking at and what you see. 

The “Ideas Guy” is a total nerd. His inappropriate use of emojis and internet acronyms makes me so furious sometimes but I totally understand what he’s trying to say most of the time because I speak fluent Internet. His glasses are also too big and when he is pleased he gives an actual real world thumbs up and holds it up for way too long - so uncool. He sent me a string of emojis when I said we were about to start the exercise. I think he was trying to say he was pleased. This is what he sent: “👌🙏“. In his nerd world he probably thought he was telling me "perfect, thank you" but what he was really saying was "anal sex please". I know, what a nerd right? Disgusting! 

Okay so let’s start. Now most people will not understand the purpose of this exercise and I’m not going to explain it because that’s what the "Ideas Guy" asked me to do. So sorry. Here it goes.

Close your eyes. Take one deep breath and keep breathing in. Don’t stop… keep going (I hope you’re not a smoker, he-he-he)… keep going, keep breathing in, don’t stop until you can’t inhale any further. Now just keep the air in there and let it circulate in your brain and in your body. Once you feel like you need more oxygen you can breathe out - but not fast, really slowly. Now, when you feel like you’ve finished exhaling, don’t stop. Keep pushing the air out... keep going... keep going. Don’t stop until you feel like you can’t push any further. Now release and breathe normally. Don’t open your eyes yet. This will take as many seconds, minutes or hours as you want it to take, and if you do it right you’ll never be the same again – in a good way, I promise.

Imagine you’re on a battlefield. It’s vast, massive. The ground is very level. There are bullets flying EVERYWHERE. It’s completely dark. Everywhere is absolutely silent, like when you’re watching porn. There are soldiers and tanks EVERYWHERE but you can’t see much but the tracer bullets. Now, imagine you are a tree, the only tree on the battlefield – and you can’t move AT ALL (obviously). You can’t block anything, you can’t protect yourself, you can’t turn your head to look behind you, you can’t duck. Now feel and breathe deep, and watch the bullets fly all around you. Remember, I didn’t say anything about getting hit, all I said was you can’t move. Now, hold that thought and make sure you don’t get hit. I know it sounds hard but remember this is all happening in your own imagination – you can NEVER get hit, unless you imagine getting hit. So don’t. Just feel awesome and untouchable even though you can’t move. Sometime during the course of your holding the thought there will be a silent explosion, not a very big one, but you’ll know when it happens - it will feel like magic. Once the magic has happened stay there as long as you like and try to think of another word for infinite. Stop when you’ve chosen one. When you open your eyes take a really deep breath like the one we did at the start but release whenever you like and really get centred. That’s the first half of the exercise complete. 

Here's the final part of the exercise. This part is the good part, I promise. Now close your eyes again. Same scenario. Bullets flying everywhere, you can’t move. You initially thought you were screwed but then I reminded you you couldn’t get hit because it was your own imagination, your own creation and hence all you had to do was not think about getting hit. So far so good right? Now, this is the good part. Remember I said you were a tree right? So in reality you really couldn’t have been seeing any of what was going on, what you had been doing in your imagination while imagining was actually imagining seeing. You were totally being awesome there and you didn’t even know it – you were imagining that you were imagining. I bet you feel really awesome, deep and creative right now don’t you? Well you’re about to get more awesome. Now, remember, you’re are a tree and you can’t see; but imagine you suddenly imagined recognising one of the bullets and thinking you had seen it pass by before. Then you thought to yourself how impossible it was to be able to recognise one out of the hundreds of thousands passing you every second. You remain focused and continue to feel awesome and untouchable. All you’re thinking about is not thinking about getting hit and not letting it even cross your mind. Now maintain that focus for another minute or two. You suddenly see another bullet that you know you've seen before, and then another and another; and then you suddenly realise, it’s the same bullets that have been terrorizing you over and over again. They’ve been missing you and circling back to their origin before returning again, not randomly but in an orderly and almost predictable manner. They’ve been going back to the soldiers that shot them, missing them too and coming back at you again. Something strange then happened. One of the bullets circled back but it never returned to you. You saw something like fireworks when it reached its origin and then it disappeared. What happened there, you thought? And you got a hunch: “that soldier just got hit by his own bullet". That’s strange, you thought to yourself, but you stayed focused. After another minute, you suddenly realise that the massive burl that you thought was just a burl in the middle of your trunk is not actually a burl - it’s an eye, yes, just one eye. Remember, you couldn't see all this while, you were just imagining seeing. So you open it quickly, you’re so excited and relieved to be able to actually see, you’re ecstatic. But what you see is totally different from what you were imagining you were seeing. The soldiers were not actually fighting each other, they weren’t even angry at each other at all. They weren’t even soldiers, and there was no war. You were a luxurious apple tree in the middle of a meadow where little kids were playing with boomerangs and yo-yos on a bright Sunday afternoon. The sky was blue and the breeze was cool. It was beautiful with sun flowers and roses everywhere. It smelt amazing. You then opened your eyes in your imagination to end the second imagination you were imagining. 

This is where you open your eyes in real life. 

That was exciting wasn’t it? 

That’s it! My work here is done. I hope you enjoyed it. Back to the “Ideas Guy”.

...

Welcome back.

That was pretty deep wasn’t it? Would you like to know what just happened?

Of course you do.

But think about it for a while and try to figure out why there were two scenarios…

Write in the comments section if you figure out what those two scenarios meant before reading on so the whole world knows how smart you are.

I’ll explain it briefly because I know you’re getting impatient. Remember early in the article when the “Imagination Guy” said people see things differently from what they are sometimes? That’s exactly what that was. The first scenario is how at least 50% of teenagers start to see the real world after they turn 18 and realize they can’t just suck their moms’ breasts when they are hungry anymore and they have to actually get jobs and do something meaningful with their lives. They start to see and feel like it’s a battlefield after a few failed job interviews, some bad relationships and real world scenarios in general, which, to the untrained eye may seem very unfair and unnecessarily uneasy - at least not as easy as just latching onto your mom's boobies for milk like the good old days. Sadly, 50% of those 50% may see it like that for longer than others. The other half will open their eyes and realise what they are actually looking at. Not a real battlefield at all – but a very simple and fair Karma game (hence the boomerangs and yo-yos). Everything you give is coming back to you. If you don't give your all then you will not get all the good things that are coming to you. If you feel like you've got nothing to give then just give love. Give love and you will receive love. See love and you will receive love. Love everything and you will receive everything and more things to love. Hate everything and you will receive nothing but more things to hate. 

You’ve just been born again...

 And you didn’t even get wet. I’m not Jesus so I didn’t need to dip you in any water or even touch you. I’m just the humble “Ideas Guy”. Didn’t I tell you were gonna love this? Told you! Well let’s get back to the task of the day and then we can get to the music news story you and I are both here for. Don’t worry it’s well worth the wait, I promise.

This week’s task is very simple. I want you to pay attention to your metaphorical Yo-yo and your metaphorical Boomerang. The yo-yo symbolizes love and the boomerang symbolizes hate. Pay close attention to your boomerang and make sure you’re not playing with it at all. And no – not even when you order a Frappuccino and they give you a Cappuccino EVERY SINGLE TIME, or when you’re approaching the finish line only to find out your boyfriend had already finished the race when he made a sudden jerking motion like he had just been struck by lightning and is ready to hit the showers. Or when you run out of breast milk and your baby starts looking at other women's breasts. Or when you are desperately awaiting pay day and it falls on a Saturday. Or when your lady friend told you she was on her period but you later discovered she was wearing white panties. 

That’s all for now.

Okay let’s do this music news thingy, you’ve been patient enough. You've been so amazing. In fact here’s a browser cookie – enjoy! He-he-he.

After years of single-handedly conquering and dominating his local and regional underground music scenes, big things are happening and Jackson, Mississippi’s very own Drevo Coolidge has just announced dates for a 2023 US tour commencing on the 29th of April and running up until the 23rd of July. The Blck Tpe Tour, named after his critically acclaimed 6 track February 2023 EP, will be kicking off in Memphis, Tennessee and passing through Atlanta, Georgia; Seattle, Washington; Las Vegas, Nevada; Los Angeles, California; and Miami, Florida; before coming to an end in Dayton, Ohio. Tickets and dates are available on the Skunk Radio Live Events page. Listen to “Blck Tpe” below or stream it on Apple Music, YouTube Music and all popular music streaming and download platforms; as well as selected independent and underground music promotion platforms. Alternatively, just head over to SRL Music by selecting "Music" from the main menu at the top of this page and you can listen to it there and find links to listen on all popular music streaming services where it is available. Happy listening. 

Have a wonderful day, and see you tomorrow. Remember to wake up and be happy, you’re born again now.

Explicit.

If you really love Jesus; this probably isn’t the place God wants you to be right now

INTERVIEWS

HIP HOP NEWS

22-03-2023 14:36 GMT

NO MORE RED TAPES

Music industry update | Mississippi, USA | Indie artist, Coolidge

"Put the kid on one more time!", those were the only words that could express SXSW's appreciation of what was experienced when hip hop artist Drevo Coolidge blazed the stage in front of an unsuspecting crowd on the 18th of March at Club Teller, Austin, Texas, USA. But we'll get back to that music news story a little bit later. First, I've got some important stuff I need to get off my chest. You'll love it, I promise - I mean them ("wink, wink"). 

I wasn’t going to come in to work today, to be honest. I felt like I was looking a little chunky in the dress I had picked out for Wednesday - almost like 50 Cent at the last Super Bowl, but with perkier breasts, he-he-he.  But while I was making brownies after my morning coffee I caught the Holy Ghost (or something) and it brought me straight to you. 

Welcome! I hope you are having a wonderful day. If you are not, we’re about to change that. If you are… I’m sorry to tell you, but it could go either way from here. 

My previous music news article got a lot of people really angry so I’m going to try to be a little gentler with my words today. Just kidding, I totally won’t. In fact here’s a little disclaimer for you before we get started, and I’m saying it out of love and in the nicest way possible: if you really love Jesus; this probably isn’t the place God wants you to be right now. And no, not just when the cops pull you over and you've been drinking, and plus you're on EVERYTHING, but every time. AND you go to church EVERY Sunday (not just on Easter Sunday when you've go a new suit). I’m sorry to have to break it to you so plainly but if you don’t leave right now you’re gonna feel like you sat on a Sneakers bar accidentally after reading this. AND you'll totally love it, to make matters worse. [Read my previous article here to find out why everyone was so mad.] I’m not saying you’ll be gay, I’m just saying I’m about to say some really f*cked up stuff that will make sitting on a Sneakers bar by mistake not seem so bad. I haven’t written it yet but I can feel it coming, like in that Phil Collins song “In The Air Tonight”. Or wait, who sang that song, DMX? Hold on let me Google it. Ah, I see: Lil’ Kim, Ray Wilson, Lostprophets, and more than 87 other musicians and bands I’ve never heard of, plus Phil Collins who originally wrote the song, and DMX who sampled it. To cut a long story short, you’re gonna be more depressed than that Stan guy in that Eminem song, “Stan”. Or wait, who sang that one again? Dildo? Dido? Canibus? WTF! I hate when people borrow songs, like that Kanye West guy, and that Poof Daddy guy too (Oops!! Did I do that? Just kidding, I love Diddy). Just write your own music m-kay? That's all I'm saying. To me, sampling a song is like breaking into somebody’s house and stealing all their good sh*t, and then offering to pay them a little cut of what you sold it for. Am I lying? Isn’t that what they’re doing essentially? He-he-he.

Okay let’s get right into it. Don’t worry we’ll get into the news story right after this, I promise. This is really important stuff that I need to get off my chest first. I hate that Shaq’s girlfriend is regular people’s size. Isn’t that so annoying? Shouldn't he be married to Sasquatch or Godzilla or somebody like that? Nothing that big will fit in any hole, how do they have sex in the armpit? That’s the only place I can think of that will work. Like in that famous Elephant Joke – that should give you a good picture. Wait, don’t tell me you haven’t heard the Elephant Joke. (“Sigh”) What are they teaching you kids in school these days?! I bet you haven’t heard the Mercedes Benz joke either. WHAT?!! Arrrghh! I can’t believe this. Okay I’ll tell you. Well actually I can’t tell you – they’re visual jokes so you’ll have to watch them on YouTube. Here’s the Elephant Joke. And Here’s the Mercedes Benz Joke. When you come back here we will be on the same page and everything I say from here will make total sense to you even though you’d never really thought about it. Like finding out Shaq’s treadmill is the entire length of a football field. 

I was thinking about some of the weird stuff Millennials have said to me in the past that I don't understand. Like: “That’s so lit”... "Sheesh!!"... "Cigarettes are bad, let's smoke these air fresheners instead and call them something cool that sounds like Darth Vader"... and ... "I'm a vegan, I only eat p*ssy on Sundays when Jesus is resting" ... or how about this one? it's my favourite ...  "let's save the planet, but let's burn all this sweet grass first so we can get really high while we're doing it - we'll plant more, promise" ... and ... “your mum is so hawt” ... and ... "let's shit in each other's mouths and call it Milk And Cookies" - seriously, Google Milk And Cookies and see if you ever eat Oreos again. And don't confuse it with Cookies And Milk, which is still disgusting but it's not the same thing at all. You might think I'm making a fuss but trust me, you'll never be the same again if someone you loved and trusted ever tried to shit in your mouth when you least expected it because they thought you knew and were down with the game plan. And there's even weirder stuff they say, like: “tattoos make your d*ck look bigger” and my favourite one: “being gay is trendy”. Okay I know you’ve probably never heard them saying the last two; but I know they’re thinking it. And I respond in thought as well, and an expressionless face like Dua Lipa's: “No, it doesn’t!”, and "f*ck no, being gay is not trendy - people have been being gay for many many years”. Haven’t you heard that Bible passage? You know, THAT Bible passage? Wink, wink, wink. I’m pretty sure whoever wrote it didn’t mean to say it like that, but it was SOOO Gay when I heard it first. In fact when I heard it I got up immediately and walked straight out of the church right in the middle of the mass. I’ve never been back ever since. I’m not going back until somebody fixes that passage. We were in the middle of the third reading and all I heard was: “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat me, you shall have no life in you”. It’s John 6:53, get a Bible and read it for yourself, I didn’t make that up. It’s worded differently in different Bibles but say what you want, I know what I heard, and I’m sticking with it. Okay to be honest, I’m starting to doubt my recollection a bit now so I’m going to bow out of this topic awkwardly when you least expect it – I drink really hard on Saturday nights sometimes, a Saturday night is such a terrible thing to waste. Darn, I knew I shouldn’t have been writing while I was making brownies, it never goes well – last time I dropped my good stylus in the toilet bowl as I was getting up and I had to retrieve it because I needed it for work that day. Aaaarrghhh, does this mean I have to start going to church again? Fuuckkk!!! This is so annoying, I was getting really good at sinning .. Now I have to start paying taxes again and washing my hands when I pee... and stop kissing my friends sometimes to see if I'm still straight after watching MTV for one whole hour (yes, I am - straighter than Indian hair) ... And start paying for parking... and wearing underwear.. and really long skirts... aaargggh! This is BS! Let’s get right down to this news story shall we? 

Today’s music news story features none other than fast-rising Mississippi, US rapper Drevo Coolidge. Things have really been heating up in his career of late and we are watching closely every step of the way to make sure we never miss a beat or even worse, a hit. His new album “Blck Tape” is trending everywhere so if you haven’t got it make sure you check it out on Spotify, Apple Music or whatever music service you use to discover and listen to music. Make sure you add it to all your hip hop playlists too – it’s a classic that you never want to forget, in fact you won’t be able to. Drevo performed on the 18th and 19th at the prestigious SXSW music festival and conference at Club Teller and Soho Lounge respectively. Prior to the event, while in Austin, Texas, he sat down with Gawdcast TV for a long interview and discussed everything that's going on in his career right now, the new album, future plans and everything fans need to know. Watch the full interview below.

Explicit.

Close your eyes - it's darker than that

NEW MUSIC

HIP HOP NEWS

18-03-2023 03:29 GMT

PURPLE PAIN

Music industry update | Wisconsin, USA | Indie artist, Daiyon

Hello and welcome to my little playground, I’m so happy you came. To be honest with you I’ve been expecting you, I knew you’d come. That’s what I’m really happy about, that I was right. But enough about me, how are you doing? How’s your day? Discover anything new and exciting yet? If you haven’t, that’s about to change really fast. If you have, then I’m about to blow your mind sky high, since it has already been primed. 

I’m "the ideas guy" here in the SRL writers room. I don’t write smut, I don’t talk about religion, I don’t talk about money - unless someone is thinking about giving me some; and to be honest with you I’m not in pursuit of mass appeal when I write – it’s totally cool though and I’m sure I will go viral many times before long. My aim as a writer is to create ideas, that’s it. An idea is the most important thing in the whole entire universe. Did you know that? Everything starts with an idea, EVERYTHING. So you’ll be glad you came here today. I know I started by saying "welcome to my little playground" but it’s not little at all - I watched Scarface too many times. It’s vast, and dark, very dark. Close your eyes – it's darker than that. This is really serious stuff we are about to explore, so buckle up. I said we were gonna create ideas right? But how are we gonna do that? We’re going to assume that every idea comes from a brain cell, an "ideas" brain cell let's say, because as I'm sure you can imagine, there are probably many, many types. We’re going to try to create one "ideas" brain cell each time you come here. That sounds pretty simple and straight forward doesn’t it? So let’s get right down to it shall we? And oh by the way, we’re going to name each of these brain cells we create to make them fun and exciting, and also easy to remember. Let’s call the one we’re going to create today Magneto. What do you think? Pretty catchy ey? 

Now, the easiest way to tell if or when Magneto has arrived is if you get a new idea. You’ll find yourself being compelled to do something, it may be something you’ve tried before or something entirely new. You may find yourself reading a book or searching for information somewhere you never thought to look, or downloading an app, or watching a video. But don’t forget, you’ll only get an idea from this exercise m-kay? Nothing else, except maybe a rush. Alright, let’s do it shall we? 

Now, who’s your favourite person in the world? Someone that’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face every single time. And don’t say Miley Cyrus, she’s mine. If you don’t have a favourite person, where is your favourite place in the world? And if you don’t have a favourite place, what makes you feel good? Okay, now hold that thought…

Hold it…

Hold it…

Breathe deep, and breathe out like you just met that favourite person or arrived at that favourite place, or did that thing you like to do. 

Okay you’re ready. 

What’s another word for infinite? Any word, there’s no wrong answer, I promise… 

Really think about it…

Think…

Deeper…

Got one? Let’s go. What did you pick? Limitless? Endless? Huge? Immeasurable? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Humongous? All great answers but not as great as the answer I’ll give you in a minute or two once we’ve explored a few exciting topics like we’ll be doing every time we meet here to create ideas. 

As I mentioned before, I’m so happy to have you here today. I’m wearing my lime green mankini right now. Not for you, but I just couldn’t resist mentioning it. They’re so soft and comfortable. No one else in the office knows I’m wearing it so let it be our little secret. I know I need to explain, so I’ll just go right ahead and do that so you don’t get weirded out and leave.

My boss is a total weirdo. Really hot, and smells AMAZEBALLS, but I’ve never seen her smile. She always has that look on her face like she suspects you’ve been up to no good, and it’s been at her expense. Like the whole world is planning something behind her back or something. Sometimes when she ends a conversation and leaves she turns around really fast while she’s walking away to see if she catches you doing something behind her back. Every month, around about the second week, or later sometimes, she pops up and selects someone at random. She kicks in the office door and yells out “you, drop down and gimme twenty”. It’s not always twenty, sometimes it’s more sometimes less, and no one has ever been able to give her as many push ups (or whatever exercise) as she has demanded. Not because the number is large but because no one is ever prepared and an item of clothing usually gets ripped or damaged in the process, which is never cool. Oh wait that’s cool now, I forgot. In fact the other day I was so excited to be going to lunch I put my jacket on too fast and ripped the armpit. My first reaction was “Fuck!! my new jacket”, then I remembered and thought to myself – “kids are buying torn clothes now, this is totally fine”. I was totally the coolest person in the office that day. The minute I stepped out of my door I was getting compliments left, right and centre. What a weird day that was. I’ve been saving money on clothes ever since, in fact the socks I’m wearing right now has so many holes in it you’d think they were Madonna’s gloves. The upside is anyone who fails the task is sent home and told to take the rest of the week off – everyone loves that part and is perfectly happy to fail, but not me. So anyway I decided to be prepared because I have a feeling there is a price or something to be gained by whoever completes the task, whether it’s ten or a hundred push ups. I’m a sucker for a price and I WANT IT! To cut a long story short I’ve been wearing this mankini for two weeks straight. I wear it underneath and then take off my clothes once I’m at my desk. I keep my socks and shoes on obviously. I will be ready when that moment comes and whatever the price is, IT WILL BE MINE! M-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!! (“villain voice”).

Now, let’s get back to the question I ask you earlier quickly. I can sense you’re getting a little impatient and starting to suspect that this is just a Kanye West style rant that is going absolutely nowhere really slowly. I’m going somewhere with this, I promise. In fact we’re already there. 

As I mentioned earlier, my task today with this little music news article was pretty simple - crucial, but simple. My task was to help you create one new brain cell that will give you an idea. I know you’ve got many and I know you’re creating more and more every second, even as we speak; but this one is a very special one we’re going to create, in fact I have a feeling you might have created it already. Have you? Okay don’t tell me yet, let’s continue. This new brain cell already has a purpose and a destiny even though we technically haven’t created it yet - YOU haven’t created it yet, or maybe you have and you didn’t even know it. The brain cell’s task would be to formulate a single idea centred around that word you chose at the start of the article when I asked you for another word for infinite. What word did you pick? Make sure you remember it because you’ll be coming across it again sometime today, maybe even tomorrow, or later. And it will come with a BIG idea too because infinite is a really big word. Make sure you don’t ignore anything that seems unachievable or too great today because you can totally do it. 

By the way, would you like to know what word I picked? 

Of course you do. 

“Round”, that’s the word I picked. You’d have to have a really special dictionary to find the word round and infinite together, but trust me on that one - it's perfect.

Do you know that every time you encounter a new problem and have to find a solution to it you have to create a brain cell in the way we just did? Assuming we succeeded, that is. Of course you do, or else you wouldn't be here, reading this. Or maybe you didn’t know, but I’m pretty sure you suspected something like that was happening behind the scenes inside your head.

My task today has now been completed and we can move on to the music news story you and I both are here for. The reason I picked that task today was to shed light on the fact that with every new gadget invented to solve our problems, humans create less problem solving brain cells – the same brain cells that bring about big ideas, geniuses, and other intelligent stuff. AI is coming, in fact it’s already here. So you’ll need to be really sharp to remain relevant, we’ll all need to be. When I thought about how ridiculous it was that I had worn the same mankini for four weeks (I know I said two – I lied, I didn’t want you to think I was absolutely bonkers) while I was looking in the mirror and adjusting my bits, I realised my boss was just keeping us on our toes and helping us to keep generating new "ideas" brain cells and stay sharp by presenting us with an unpredictable situation that would always keep us thinking. It really got me thinking, and I might have created a new brain cell that gave me the idea to tell someone else (YOU) about the great revelation I had. Ideally you in turn will do the same thing, and then the person you tell will also be compelled to do the same, and tell someone who will tell someone, and the cycle will continue - round and round, and round and round, and round and round again. Remember the word I said I picked earlier as a synonym for infinite? ROUND. See? Clever ey? Capeesh?

Now let’s get right down to this music news story shall we? Now that I’m completely satisfied that I’ve totally boggled your mind and left you astounded – my main goal every time I pick up a pen to write. Yes! (“fist pump emoji”)

Wait, something tells me you were expecting more on the topic of that brain cell you were going to create - Magneto. There’s no more to be said, either you created it at some point during the course of this article or not. If you did, you’ll know. Hold that word you chose in your mind and if you remember it at some point after you’ve forgotten about it, you probably did – and your big idea will arrive at some point. Write in the comment section when it arrives okay? 

Okay the music news story now, I think my boss has arrived and is circling, and may be heading this way anytime now. Shhh!!! Let's do this quick. 

The new album “Purple Pain” by one of the most watched and most talked about emerging Wisconsin, US rapper Daiyon was released to critical acclaim on the 7th of March, 2023, just over 11 days ago. It follows a series of highly praised records by the fast-rising underground hip hop star that have left critics, fellow rappers, fans, and the industry as a whole lost for words. It’s his third album three years in a row, and each one has grossly surpassed its predecessor and left every listener with nothing left to wish for. Daiyon has been praised for his authenticity and originality since the start of his career several years ago. His creativity seems to know no bounds and he leaves no stone unturned in exploring his seemingly limitless artistic potential to paint the perfect picture every single time. With singles like “We Live”, “Hands Up” and “See Me Now”, he put his name on the map as one of the next big names in hip hop. He has evolved progressively every year since, and more so especially during the last 3 years. The new album “Purple Pain” is now in the Top 100 and Top 200 iTunes Charts and continues to rise quickly. “Purple Pain” is available to stream and download on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music and all popular digital music streaming and discovery platforms. Listen to the full album in the Spotify music player below. 

As usual, there will be a thorough review of the full 13 track album on SRL Reviews in the coming weeks. 

Have a genius day, from me “the ideas guy” and the rest of the team here at the SRL writers room. See you tomorrow.

Explicit.